I seriously have the best boyfriend ever. Next week I'm going on vacation and Ty went and bought groceries for us to eat while I'm over his house. I can not wait to hang out with him for a whole week, just him and me. Our three year anniversary is next week and the time has really flown by. I feel like I've gotten to know him so well, and I like that we can have so much fun with just ourselves. I also like that we can hang out with people and there's no drama. We seriously have the best relationship, and I couldn't imagine not being with him. 

I went to church today. It was okay. I just couldn't help but think about how much the pastor was getting paid to do what he was doing. He probably gets paid well over 60,000 a year. It's upsetting to think about, but knowing doesn't make the sermon get better. The theme of the day was, "Don't ask what your church can do for you, but what you can do for your church." Clever rouse? Probably. The first ten minutes were about donating your time to one of the church functions. Of course, this is all without pay, I'm sure. I wanted to stand up and ask how much time he donates to help spread the word of God without pay. Sometimes, I think I need to go to church to get spiritually fed, and then shit like this happens and I remind myself why I need to study on my own. I keep thinking that one day I'll get something useful out of church the way I used to. Maybe I've become to aware, or maybe church just isn't the same. I remember being on fire for God and ready to learn everything there was about his life and about how to live my life. Things are so different now. 

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So, Ty comes home this weekend, and I really want to do something special. I think I'm going to cook and have a candle-lit dinner for him. I want to do something romantic, and I think this would be perfect. I'm excited to set everything up and surprise him. I can't wait to show him how much I love him.

So, I can not wait to go to the beach next weekend. I can't wait to see Ty too. I definitely don't get to see him enough. 

I might have gotten a girl in trouble at work, not intentionally, but the girl was being a total bitch. I was nice to her, but don't be an asshole to me for no reason. It's not my fault I didn't know how to use the machine that you were proficient at, and that you kept wanting to take smoke breaks and act like you weren't doing something.

Ugh.

I do feel bad about telling on her, but I honestly wasn't "telling" on her I was just telling my service manager and she wrote a letter of complaint. lol oops.

Btw, I'm super burned from the tanning bed. And I hope it's going to be hot at the beach this year. I don't go as much as I'd like, but we're getting a hotel right on the beach so I'm excited.

I guess what I'm getting at is reality is a much more painful concept than what could have been.

I still remember what happened clearly. You've been in a pissy mood for a while, and just recently you've been letting your psycho side out. I honestly feel sorry for your husband. I keep thinking back to when we first started being friends and wondering if you had always been this way, but I'm almost positive this is recent. I almost feel sorry for you, but I don't want to cater to your feelings like everyone else in your life(besides your friends). That night two people took your side, babying you the way you shouldn't be babied. This is why you are the way you are; too many people have enabled this behavior and now it's almost a second nature. If you aren't the center of attention you throw a fit. If you don't apologize soon, don't expect to hear from me. I wish you could go back to the way you used to be, but if it is impossible, maybe it's time our friendship has run it's course. I won't forget you, just like I haven't forgotten anyone important in my life. I wish you the best, and I hope you figure out your mistake one day. As of now, I can't deal with your episodes...

So Hollywood Undead just came out with a rather recent album which I've been listening to a lot lately. It really reminds me of her. It's been two years since we've spoken and it kind of depresses me. I know I shouldn't listen to music that reminds me of her, but I can't help it. It's like giving an addict who is trying to recover their weakness drug with no one around to stop them from regressing. I kind of wish I could just get over her. This is so insane. I haven't felt this way about just about anyone. I just can't help but think back to our road trips, screaming out the window, the people we would meet together, the long nights at her house just dancing around and having deep moments of conversation, and even the times where I thought I was going to die because of how hard I was laughing. I would be at the prime of my life right now if I had her in my life. Things just don't feel complete without her. It's hard when someone moves on so fast. She was my best friend, and sometimes I wish I could erase all memories of her.

On new years my friend got jealous that our other friend was hanging out with new people and she expressed her jealousy by blaming her frustration on other things that her friend had done to piss her off during the week. I automatically knew that she was just jealous and then later that week found out that it was in fact jealousy. I sat down and listened to her bitch on and on about the problem, and I wasn't judging because I understood where it came from. If I hadn't, then I wouldn't have been very understanding and would have probably let her know she was being a jerk.

My classes also have made me a worse friend because I'll call people out on things that they don't want other people to know. My mom won't make my younger sister get a job. My sister's almost 20 years old and has never had a steady job. My mother is afraid that if she gets a job she won't have anyone at the house to watch movies with or to hang out. My mother suffers from a mild(sometimes severe) depression and she makes my younger sister watch movies with her on her days off. I don't have the patience to do it and I work all day and hang out with friends all night. So anyway, I called her out on it the other day and she  blew up at me and then finally admitted it was the reason and I called her selfish. She isn't playing her role as a parent and isn't making her youngest daughter succeed. It's very disheartening, and I really wish she would help her. However, how is she going to help my sister when she has a boat full of problems herself.

My education is really effecting my life in more ways than I choose to see it.

I start my diet tomorrow and I'm super excited. I'm going to join a new gym this year, and I'm doing it right this time. I've gained entirely too much weight and it's getting ridiculous. 

I've been thinking more about moving to Idaho, and I'm super excited. Jon has his interview over the phone tomorrow and Ty is researching jobs online. Ty says there are lots of jobs he can do there that pay super great, also the cost of living is low like it is here. It would be nice to get a fresh start, and thinking about starting a family with Ty in another state makes me excited. I can't wait to marry him. He told me he's proposing this year, and although I don't know when, I'm super nervous to think that I'll be planning my wedding this year. I have so much to look forward to. I get impatient thinking about it sometimes, but then I think of how fast time is, and how there's nothing we can do to stop it, and then I treasure each living moment I have.

Ty just left for Tuscaloosa and I already miss him. You would think after dating for alost three years, I'd get used to saying goodbye, but truth is, I'm never ready to say goodbye.